the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
