I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you didnt know i had herpes?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
