By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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