so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
