Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
