hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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