There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
sarcasm needs its own font
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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