Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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