Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
