I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
