At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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