im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
