I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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