my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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