So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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