After last night, I could never be a politician.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
