I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
