Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
