This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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