I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
