Me too!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
