his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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