And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
