He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
