i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
