dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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