I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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