After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
