lets start a swedish sibling band together
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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