just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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