I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
