Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
