I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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