They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
