this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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