I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Do you have feelings for this penis?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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