Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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