AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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