glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
