Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
