I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
