there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize