please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
