so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
