She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
