Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
