Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my being single is dangerous.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
