I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
