that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
