I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
