I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
