i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
