So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
