I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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