If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
