just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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