Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
