cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
