apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
