We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Randomize
